Alright, so you’re a regular at the pokies, enjoy a punt on the horses, or maybe you’re a dab hand at online casinos. We get it. Gambling’s part of the Kiwi lifestyle, a bit of fun and a chance to win. But what happens when the fun stops and things get a bit… sticky? You might notice a mate, a family member, or even a work colleague struggling with their gambling. It’s a tough situation, but it’s one where your experience and understanding can make a real difference. Knowing how to help is crucial, and it’s a sign of a good mate. If you’re looking for a bit of entertainment yourself, remember to always gamble responsibly. If you’re after a bit of fun online, consider a trusted option.
This article is for you, the regular gambler, because you’re the one who understands the world of betting. You know the highs, the lows, and the temptations. You’re also in a unique position to spot the warning signs and offer support. Let’s dive into how you can help a friend or family member who might be having a rough trot with gambling.
Recognising the Red Flags: Spotting the Problem
First things first: you gotta know what to look for. It’s not always obvious, and people are good at hiding things, especially when it comes to money. Here are some common signs that someone might be struggling with a gambling problem:
- Increased Spending: Are they suddenly spending a lot more money than usual on gambling? This can be a telltale sign. Look out for unexplained withdrawals from their bank accounts or a sudden lack of funds for everyday expenses.
- Chasing Losses: Do they keep gambling to try and win back what they’ve lost? This is a classic symptom of problem gambling. They might be putting more and more money in, hoping for that big win to recoup their losses.
- Preoccupation with Gambling: Is gambling all they talk about? Do they spend a lot of time thinking about it, planning it, or reliving it? It might be interfering with their work, relationships, or other hobbies.
- Lying and Secrecy: Are they being secretive about their gambling habits? Are they lying to you, their family, or others about how much they’re gambling or how much they’ve lost?
- Borrowing Money: Are they constantly borrowing money from friends, family, or even loan sharks to fund their gambling?
- Mood Swings: Do they experience significant mood swings related to their gambling? They might be elated when they win and deeply depressed when they lose.
- Neglecting Responsibilities: Is their gambling causing them to neglect their work, family, or other responsibilities? Are they missing appointments or neglecting their personal hygiene?
If you see a few of these signs, it’s time to have a chat.
The Conversation: How to Approach the Subject
This is the tricky part. You want to help, but you don’t want to make things worse. Here’s how to approach the conversation:
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Pick a time and place where you can talk privately and without distractions. Avoid doing it in a pub or a casino. A quiet coffee shop or their home is a good option.
- Be Calm and Non-Judgemental: Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Avoid being accusatory or judgmental. Remember, they’re likely already feeling ashamed and guilty.
- Express Your Concern: Start by expressing your concern for their well-being. Use “I” statements, such as “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m worried about you.”
- Share What You’ve Observed: Gently point out the specific behaviours you’ve noticed. For example, “I’ve noticed you’ve been talking about gambling a lot recently, and you seem to be spending more money than usual.”
- Listen Actively: Let them talk. Listen to their perspective without interrupting. Try to understand what’s going on in their life and why they’re gambling.
- Avoid Giving Advice (Initially): Resist the urge to tell them what to do. Your role is to listen and offer support, not to lecture them.
- Offer Support, Not Solutions: Let them know you’re there for them. Say things like, “I’m here for you, no matter what,” or “How can I help you get through this?”
Providing Support and Encouraging Professional Help
Once you’ve had the initial conversation, you can start thinking about how to provide ongoing support. Here’s what you can do:
- Be a Good Listener: Continue to be a supportive and understanding listener. Let them know they can talk to you anytime.
- Encourage Professional Help: This is the most important step. Problem gambling is a serious issue, and professional help is often necessary. Encourage them to seek help from a therapist, counsellor, or support group.
- Research Resources: Familiarize yourself with local resources, such as the Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand (PGFNZ) or Gambling Harm Services. You can find their contact details online.
- Offer to Go with Them: If they’re hesitant to seek help, offer to go with them to their first appointment. This can provide them with extra support and encouragement.
- Help Them Set Boundaries: If they’re willing, help them set boundaries around their gambling. This might include limiting their access to gambling venues or websites, or setting a budget for their spending.
- Don’t Enable Their Gambling: Avoid lending them money, covering their debts, or gambling with them. This will only perpetuate the problem.
- Take Care of Yourself: Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be emotionally draining. Make sure you take care of your own well-being. Set boundaries for yourself and seek support from your own friends, family, or a therapist if needed.
Where to Find Help in New Zealand
New Zealand has several fantastic resources available to help those struggling with gambling problems. Here are some of the key organisations:
- The Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand (PGFNZ): They offer free and confidential counselling, support groups, and information about problem gambling. Their website is a great starting point.
- Gambling Harm Services: They provide a range of services, including counselling, education, and support for individuals and families affected by gambling harm.
- Your GP: Your general practitioner can provide advice, support, and referrals to other services.
What to Avoid Doing
There are some things you should *not* do when trying to help someone with a gambling problem:
- Don’t enable their gambling. This means not lending them money, covering their debts, or gambling with them.
- Don’t judge or shame them. This will only make them feel worse and less likely to seek help.
- Don’t try to fix the problem yourself. You’re not a professional, and you can’t solve their problems on your own.
- Don’t expect them to change overnight. Recovery from problem gambling takes time and effort. Be patient and supportive.
- Don’t take responsibility for their actions. You can’t control their behaviour, and you’re not responsible for their choices.
The Long Haul: Staying Supportive
Recovery from problem gambling is a journey, not a destination. It’s important to understand that there will be ups and downs. Relapses can happen, and it’s essential to be prepared for this. Here’s how you can continue to support your friend or family member:
- Celebrate Their Successes: Acknowledge and celebrate their progress, no matter how small.
- Be Patient: Recovery takes time, and there will be setbacks. Be patient and understanding.
- Encourage Them to Stay Connected: Encourage them to stay connected with their support network, including their therapist, support group, and other trusted friends and family members.
- Continue to Be a Good Listener: Be there to listen and offer support, even when things are tough.
- Don’t Give Up on Them: Let them know that you believe in them and that you’re there for them for the long haul.
Conclusion: Lending a Hand
Helping a friend or family member with a gambling problem is a challenging but incredibly rewarding experience. By recognising the warning signs, having an open and honest conversation, encouraging professional help, and providing ongoing support, you can make a real difference in their life. Remember, you’re not alone. There are resources available to help you and your loved one navigate this difficult journey. By being a good mate and offering a helping hand, you can play a crucial role in their recovery. Kia kaha, and remember to look after yourselves too.